The first phonecall - bittersweet...

I must admit, I never fully understood the term bittersweet, until now.

Today I experienced a bittersweet reconciliation, definitely one of the most difficult but also the sweetest experiences ever.

On the 6th August 2014  I got the most beautiful little girl that was only 3 days old. She smiled from day one and brought smiles to our faces. She was such a blessing to us.


She quickly bonded with our hearts and was part of the our family for 14 days and she also got an instant sister, our little premature baby.

We loved her, nourished her, and enjoyed her for 14 days.

Then the phone rang, and her mother want's her back, even though that was my prayer from the beginning, I suddenly realized that I don't know how to let go.

I know this is victory, to re-unite mother and child, but o my hat I had a constant battle in my mind.

A whole weekend spent crying and praying and rebelling and emotions of "this is it, I will never do this again". I was ready to give up and call it quits, give away all the baby clothes and even the little other baby, cause I just can't do this.

I even thought of just running away with both of them. Then I prayed and asked one thing, Lord please let there be an instant conection between her and her mum. I desire this confirmation, it's the only way that my heart will mend.

I must see that connection!

So the day came for their reconciliation and for us to part with her. It was an emotional day for all of us in our Family. As we were sitting waiting for the mom, I can't even begin to describe what went through my head.

And then they arrive, the mom and Gogo, and then, I had to hand over my precious little girl that I looked after.

Her biological Mom took her and held her. I showed her her daughter's photos and said she's a good girl, explained her drinking times and the normal hand over stuff and as soon as I stepped back there it was before my own eyes....... she looked her mom straight in the eye.... there were tears.... the connection was made......I had my peace

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Psalm 73:16-17. When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply.
Then I went into your sanctuary o God, and I finally understood.